Content Warning: Discussions of suicide/suicidal ideation
Courtesy of Sundance Institute.
“Good luck selling your house once there’s been a suicide in it!”
Just barely 3 minutes in, and viewers are slapped with this line when protagonist Jo bitterly shouts it at her (now ex-) boyfriend as she storms out of a cafe while patrons and waitstaff look on, aghast.
Joanna Leeds’ BULLDOZER premiered this year as part of the 2025 Sundance Film Festival Episodic Pilot Showcase. The pilot, which Leeds created, wrote, and stars in, follows Jo as she struggles her way through a breakup, her confounding health, and the medical system.
Immediately preceding the outburst, Jo had been chatting with her boyfriend-of-four-years, Steve, in hopes of getting back together after his infidelity with a sex worker. Upon clarifying that he has no interest in reuniting (he assumed she wanted to meet so she could get closure), Jo exclaims that she’s going to “fucking kill herself,” ignoring his protestations of “you can’t say things like that.”
In the next scene, viewers find Jo at home, wearing a stain-coated sweater as she opens the door to two badge-wearing individuals. Introduced as county social workers responding to a call put in by Steve resulting from her previous threats, she reluctantly lets them in. After a lot of verbal back-and-forth – the social workers repeated questioning, her insisting that she’s fine, she’s in the middle of baking brownies and that’s obvious evidence that she has no intention to end her life, their suggestion (and later demand) that she come to the hospital to further evaluation – the situation escalates until Jo winds up crying, exasperatedly saying they should leave, before walking out of her house sobbing, brownies in hand, before being tackled and handcuffed on her front lawn, and then loaded up into an ambulance.
Though this may sound heavy, the pilot is actually quite funny and filled with levity throughout. During her initial confrontation with Steve, Jo inquires about what he sought out in the sex workers. After explaining that, rather than filtering by “vagina type,” he “did an ethnicity search” (“most” of which weren’t white), she expresses relief, saying “Well that actually makes me feel better! I can only complete with Caucasians, I can’t be something I’m not, you know, right?” While being loaded into the ambulance strapped down on a gurney, Dale, one of the social workers, tells Jo she looks “like a young Meg Ryan.”
Flash forward four months and the rest of the pilot follows Jo’s life after this inciting incident. Viewers see her out-and-about living her life while she is:
- Sitting in her parents’ living room, discussing her mental health and romantic prospects while her mother semi-distractedly plays Tetris.
- On a first date.
- Avoiding phone calls from Dale.
- Working in her furniture shop and chatting with Chuck, her friend-since-second grade.
Continually trying to interact with her ex-boyfriend, Steve. Viewers also witness her struggle with her health, both in conversations with loved ones and through interactions with healthcare providers:
- When talking with her mother, Jo explains, “first I have to get to the bottom of my health situation” before re-starting dating. Her mother replies “you mean your depression?”, to which Jo retorts “It’s not depression, I have mysterious physical pains, and I’m probably gonna die at a young age, so maybe you should be nicer to me.”
- After finding out her new date, Greg, is the son of Dr. Roddy, a much-sought-after endocrinologist, Jo is able to score a pair of appointments, which ultimately yield a lupus diagnosis. Sobbing at the revelation, she is also relieved, explaining, “For years, I’ve been like, ‘Something is really wrong with me’, and people are always like, ‘Oh, you have a mood disorder.’ But I don’t have a mood disorder, I have lupus,” and “I have been to so many doctors and nobody has been able to get to the bottom of this.”
- Her mother expresses skepticism at the diagnosis, saying “Oh please, you don’t have lupus, then asking “What did you do to get lupus?!” and urging a second opinion.
- A montage of various instances of Jo taking lupus medication and reading the book “Living with Lupus.”
- Finding out, upon getting a second opinion from her primary doctor, that she was misdiagnosed as the result of a paperwork mix-up.
- Attempts to get an appointment refund from the paperwork mix-up
And more…
In stories of health and illness (whether physical or mental), things sometimes play out differently. Maybe the tone is very intense and serious, with no room for silliness, joy, or relief outside of a cure. Maybe the entire story is singularly centered around an illness, to the point where any aspect of life outside of it isn’t depicted, or even acknowledged, at all. Maybe the protagonist is depicted more so as a source of inspiration than as a fully realized character. By imbuing this story with humor and levity right alongside the medical difficulties, Leeds showcases an experience that feels more like real life. Our lives are intertwined with our health. We can go from swiping on Tindr in one moment to arguing about our health with our mom in the next, from giggling with friends to being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. And while sometimes mixing comedy and drama feels forced and stilted, in BULLDOZER, it feels completely organic.
The pilot also astutely depicts the experiences and emotions that can accompany navigating a health journey. Family expressing skepticism when you tell them about a new diagnosis, maybe insisting lthat it’s something else, or even that nothing’s wrong at all. Feeling for years like something is wrong, but no one, not even your doctor, can provide you with a satisfactory answer. Relief when you finally get what seems like a proper diagnosis, and that everything now makes sense. Confusion and despair upon discovering that it wasn’t even the right one. Not to mention the hassles of dealing with insurance vs. paying out-of-pocket, passive aggressiveness and skepticism from medical providers, logistical difficulties scheduling appointments, and the challenge of even getting an appointment in the first place. These ups-and-downs are all too familiar for anyone who has run into any sort of challenge in their medical life.
Technical elements of the cinematography, editing, and acting also serve to highlight the emotions of scenes and the sometimes-callousness of the medical industry. Muted colors are present in instances where Jo is faced with coldness and difficulty, such as the scene with the social workers, and the appointment scenes with both doctors she interacts with. Though the office of her primary doctor, who is the one that recognizes the misdiagnosis, features some brighter pops of color, Dr. Roddy’s is exclusively muted. Meanwhile, scenes featuring her mother and her friend Chuck depict vibrant and warm colors, indicative of their close relationships. In the scene with the social workers, as the situation escalates, the cuts get quicker, rapidly cycling between the three characters present, and the camera zooms in close, reflecting Jo’s increasing feelings of overwhelm. When she interacts with Dr. Roddy during her appointments, the doctor interacts with Jo very minimally, oftentimes avoiding eye contact and not responding to her comments, highlighting the disconnect between the two.
The story of Leeds’ Jo is also engaging outside of her medical challenges. She’s funny and friendly. She’s close with her friend and her mom. She runs a furniture business. She’s also a bit of a mess. She leans honest, to the point of causing discomfort in others. She can’t seem to stop trying to stay connected with her ex-boyfriend, despite his evident disinterest. After she asserts that she’s “pretty much impossible to gaslight,” Chuck affirms, “Yeah because no one can convince you that you’re ever wrong.” After feeling wronged by Dr. Roddy’s misdiagnosis, rather than go with Chuck’s initial suggestion to “write a letter and then don’t send it” to get her feelings out, she decides to leave nine negative Yelp reviews of the practice, which later comes back to bite her.
But ultimately, she’s not a mess because of her health struggles. She’s a mess. And she’s struggling with her health.
Just like in real life, Jo is her own full person who is impacted by the things she’s going through. But she also exists outside of those things. And luckily enough for us, we get to watch it all.
BULLDOZER is screening at the 2025 Sundance Film Festival as part of the episodic showcase, which has a photosensitivity warning. In addition to screening in both Park City and Salt Lake City, BULLDOZER is available online.
